I never thought I would get married, let alone have kids. At 19 the doctors told me it was highly unlikely and after dismissing the idea of having one right there and then, I figured it was over. I didn't want to have a baby for the wrong reasons and at 19 I didn't know my ass from my elbow (still not sure I do). So, after some soul-searching I went to a specialist and started some pretty intense drug therapies with the hope of preserving fertility. At 19 and in menopause, I figured no man in his right mind would ever want to marry me. Some of that negative thinking was the rampant hormonal fluctuations. I wandered through life and focused on my education, deciding that at least I would be successful at work if I couldn't be a mom.
I had always envisioned myself alone. 10 years later, at 29 and three weeks away from my 30th birthday I was convinced my fate was sealed. Then I met Karl, 10/4/2003, I still have the piece of paper where he wrote his phone number and gave it to me. I found a man that wasn't only smart, funny and cute, but that wanted me.
Nolan joined us just two years after the wedding. No one had been on the suppression therapy as long as I had, when I went on it at 19 it was experimental (I had to sign a waiver to get the injections). Nolan was meant to be, I knew the day I was officially pregnant, 11/6/06. If you do the math...it was just days in.
My joy today is about my family. I have been incredibly successful in my career and fortunate to have had the experiences and opportunities I have had. But I would give it up in a second to be home, without distraction. I have some guilt that the Laura of today isn't as commited and ambitious as the Laura 5 years ago. I do my work now not so I can climb the next step on the ladder, but so I can go home and have uninterrupted time with my boys.
Ambition lost, and I am so lucky.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Love & Leadership
Spring has sprung here in Minnesota. This has felt like the longest winter on record. Of course, it wasn't, but it sure felt like it and perception is reality as they say.
Two things have been dominating my thoughts of late...love & leadership. They are not related at all, at least not in the way I have been thinking about them.
The first is love. I am currently sitting in the dark as I write this. Nolan is napping for the second time today, he's running a fever. His cherub face represents love to me, of course it does since I am his mom. This week I read one of the best love stories ever. Sure, I don't really read a lot of love stories, but this one is for the ages. It's from one of my favorite blogs (see below). I found the blog nearly two years ago, and I was hooked. Perhaps one of the saddest stories I have ever read. The short version is that a beautiful young wife and mother died just one day after giving birth to her only child. "Two Kisses for Maddy" is the story of the love that was created and endured. Matt Logelin's retelling of his loss and love is so poignant and heart-felt that I read it all in less than 36 hours. Something I haven't done in a very long time. I highly recommend this book if you need to believe in love, for the first time or all over again.
The other is leadership. I strongly believe in servant leadership. I think it takes a team of people with a variety of skills sets to succeed. Recently, I have been faced with trying to figure out what to do with the very aggressive personality styles. I have run into them often in my career and frankly, when confronted, I walked away. The style and method of communication for these folks is so contrary to my personal work style and leadership beliefs that I just dismiss them. I recognize that I have to find a way to work with them, and this is where my 'leadership' pondering has taken me this week. I am not sure I have an answer, but the fact that I am thinking about it is a good sign.
Until next time.
Two things have been dominating my thoughts of late...love & leadership. They are not related at all, at least not in the way I have been thinking about them.
The first is love. I am currently sitting in the dark as I write this. Nolan is napping for the second time today, he's running a fever. His cherub face represents love to me, of course it does since I am his mom. This week I read one of the best love stories ever. Sure, I don't really read a lot of love stories, but this one is for the ages. It's from one of my favorite blogs (see below). I found the blog nearly two years ago, and I was hooked. Perhaps one of the saddest stories I have ever read. The short version is that a beautiful young wife and mother died just one day after giving birth to her only child. "Two Kisses for Maddy" is the story of the love that was created and endured. Matt Logelin's retelling of his loss and love is so poignant and heart-felt that I read it all in less than 36 hours. Something I haven't done in a very long time. I highly recommend this book if you need to believe in love, for the first time or all over again.
The other is leadership. I strongly believe in servant leadership. I think it takes a team of people with a variety of skills sets to succeed. Recently, I have been faced with trying to figure out what to do with the very aggressive personality styles. I have run into them often in my career and frankly, when confronted, I walked away. The style and method of communication for these folks is so contrary to my personal work style and leadership beliefs that I just dismiss them. I recognize that I have to find a way to work with them, and this is where my 'leadership' pondering has taken me this week. I am not sure I have an answer, but the fact that I am thinking about it is a good sign.
Until next time.
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