I continue to work from this beautiful place. There is something here that defies explanation; a spiritual calmness that settles even the most shaken of souls. At least that’s what I felt as I was driving through town looking at the stunning watery landscape. Then, as if a sudden and unwanted stranger woke me from my sleep I looked up to see an ambulance barreling full lights and sirens down a tourist-laden two-lane road. Instantly, my heart-rate went up, I bit my bottom lip and my eyes started to water. Why, you ask? Do I have some psychic power that I am now just admitting to? No psychic power, just a tenuous grip. For me, when I see or hear of anything bad, a flood of anxiety washes over me. I struggle frequently to keep my head above the onslaught of the obsession. It could easily overwhelm me, and in my darker days, it has.
See, bad things happen all the time, to really good people. And in some twisted version of my world, I feel that my happiness makes me more vulnerable to the bad stuff. I constantly feel like I am walking a tight-rope with no net, just waiting for a strong wind of misfortune or bad timing to come along and tumble me and everything I have to oblivion. Right about now you are probably thinking to yourself, “Laura, if you really feel this way you should see someone. It ain’t healthy.” (Quote from my favorite movie of all time, extra points if you guess it). True, but I am hoping that the recording of this, here in this blog and for posterity, will help me. The first step in any 12-step program is admitting you have a problem. Admission, check.
