Alyssa dressed quickly and ran downstairs. Todd handed her Grace “I gotta go, I’m late.”
“I’m always late, why shouldn’t you be?” Alyssa quipped
sarcastically. Todd passed her a
sideways eye-roll and left without a kiss goodbye or an ‘I love you’. She wasn’t sure why she did that. He was a good man, a great dad and she loved
him a great deal. But the pressure she
felt to keep up her work and be the perfect mom was more overwhelming than she
ever imagined. They had tried for Grace
for 2 ½ years. She had two miscarriages
and was about to give up. Those nine
months were on eggshells and she never took one second for granted. When Grace was born 9 months ago the joy wore
off quickly. She was tired, more than
tired. She couldn’t think straight,
everything felt fuzzy all the time. Her
memory was worse than Swiss cheese. The
ladies at the office joked that it was ‘mom-nesia’ but Alyssa felt that perhaps
it was something more insidious. But she
shoved that in the back of her head in favor of the daily insanity that her
life had turned into.
She and Todd had met seven years ago. At 29
Alyssa had a series of serious and not-so-serious boyfriends. She had focused much of her attention the
last nine years of her life on school and career. They felt like a more solid investment that
‘waiting for the right guy’ as many of her friends did. Her career had taken her to far-away places,
beautiful locations and the busyness made it easy to isolate herself from the
dating scene. At this point in her life
men felt like a pointless distraction, and then she met Todd.
Todd had all of the
attributes Alyssa wanted and very few of the things she didn’t. They fell in love quickly, but not
madly. He was fun and funny and stable. Todd was an all-around good guy and that was
more appealing to her than just about any of his other wonderful
qualities. They traveled to Hawaii for
the wedding with just a few family and friends. They had settled easily into a nice quiet
routine.
They had assumed getting pregnant would be easy. They were very wrong. It was a heart-breaking two years, and every
day they felt that it may be the last day they would try. They joked that they would have lots of cats
and just be that couple that did crazy things like jump out of airplanes and
climb mountains. But at night, when Todd
was sleeping, Alyssa would cry herself to sleep. She felt an over-whelming sense of failure. Until that day when she woke sick to her
stomach. Her other miscarriages she
barely knew she was pregnant, but this time was different. She was afflicted with a terrible case of
morning sickness and as perverse as it sounds she loved every minute of it,
because she knew that meant the baby had taken over. She never complained once about the incessant
nausea and vomiting and by the fourth month she just felt wonderful.
Grace was born on a rainy August day. Even though the last nine months had been hell,
Alyssa would watch her daughter sleep and praise God for the incredible
gift. She wasn’t a particularly
religious person, but she knew that as she looked at her sleeping child she was
looking right into the face of God. The
impact to their lives, that nice quiet routine that they had settled into, was
one that neither of them really saw coming.
Their long talks & cuddle sessions had disappeared and in its place were
too-long silences and in-different conversations. Alyssa was worried about the state of their
marriage but could hardly think about that now as she strapped Grace into her
car seat in the back of her Camry. Her
commute was a short one but still took too long.
“Shit” she muttered as she got stuck in a long line of
traffic stopping for a temporary stoplight.
She complained how stupid it was to place a stoplight at the bottom of a
hill. Alyssa turned the radio up and
spoke quietly to Grace. “Just a few
minutes baby and we’ll go see grandma.”
She took a sip of coffee and looked blankly at the mini-van in front of
her. It had those stickers on the back
window that had stick people showing you their family structure: a mom, dad, three
daughters and a dog. Alyssa thought
about how expensive the prom years would be.
She could see the three girls bobbing their heads in the back seat. She looked down at the radio and glanced in
the mirror to look at Grace when flashing lights caught her eye in the rearview
mirror. It was a semi barreling towards
her. There were no other cars behind her and instantly the choice was there and
just as quickly it was gone.
Alyssa pulled into oncoming traffic.
The sound that followed was deafening. It was like the whole world imploded, glass
flew into her mouth as she silently screamed.
Then suddenly, total silence. She
could smell gas and burning plastic; then the shriek of Grace in the back
seat. She tried to look in the rearview
mirror but it was gone. She tried to turn and felt a shock of pain in her
back. She reached her right arm around
the back and touched one of Grace’s feet.
“It’s okay baby, it’s okay” she kept saying.
Someone came to her window.
“Please, my daughter, please, please” she begged.
“I’m a nurse, my name is Maggie. What is your daughter’s name?”
“Grace.”
The nurse disappeared out of sight and came back to
her. “Grace looks okay, just
scared. She was buckled in tight. What’s your name?”
Alyssa couldn’t respond.
She felt darkness envelop her and a weight come to her body. The last thing Alyssa remembered was: mom,
dad, three daughters & a dog.
Alyssa’s mother heard the crash. The intersection was less than a mile from
her house. She was out for a walk
waiting for Alyssa & Grace to pull in frantically, as they did every
morning. The second she heard the air
brakes her stomach clenched. She got in
her car and drove upon the most horrific site.
She was so focused on the accident with the semi that she nearly missed
the crumpled silver Camry. Then she
heard the familiar cry and ran to the car.
The fire department was already there working on the car and as she got
closer she realized that Grace was out of the car, the back half of it barely
touched. The front of the car had been
demolished by the on-coming Ford F-150.
“That’s my granddaughter” Yvonne yelled. The paramedic handed the shaken girl to
Yvonne and Grace nuzzled into her neck and wept. “My daughter?” She asked tentatively.
“She’s trapped in the car.
They are using the Jaws of Life.
She’s still breathing but unconscious.
“What happened?” Yvonne asked; she couldn’t quite make out
the reason why it looked like there were two accidents.
“Near as we can tell.
The semi couldn’t stop in time and your daughter pulled into on-coming
traffic, probably to save her daughter.”
Yvonne glanced over to the other accident that had
originally grabbed her attention. The
mini-van was crumpled, with a blue tarp draped morbidly over the right
side. She saw a woman being loaded onto
the other ambulance, she was screaming.
She noticed a truck-driver sitting in the ditch; the police were asking
him questions. He was ashen and
shaking. He stood up and vomited, then
fell to his knees.
“Is your daughter married?” the Fire Chief broke Yvonne out
of her stupor.
“Yes, why?”
“He’ll be the next of kin; you’ll need to call him. We are taking her by life-flight to
HCMC. You should meet us there.”
“Is she out, can I see her?”
“Not yet, but just about.
We don’t want to delay her care, ma’am.
It’s best if you wait at the hospital.
We’ll take good care of her.”
She woke slowly; the brightness of the room startled
her. Todd came into her view and was
saying something. Then she saw her
mom. She tried to speak but
couldn’t. Then she realized she had a
tube in her mouth. She wanted to scream
‘where’s Grace?’ when her mom came to her and whispered in her ear.
“Grace is with Lara.
She’s fine, not a scratch on her.”
Alyssa fell back into the darkness.
