Photos

Just a picture post today. 

I got new headshots.  This is the one that will go in the book.

Nolan's new favorite camera pose

We have a cardinal!

Thank you Captain Obvious

Writing a book is really hard work.  I knew it was going to be 'hard', because most things worth doing are.  But, seriously, I had no idea.  I sometimes feel like I am just wringing my brain out, I have this visual on the worst days of a spongebob-esque brain being twisted tight until it becomes flacid and useless.  I have asked advice from my friends that have written books and their best advice has been 'buckle down', 'create a routine', or 'just write and go back to edit later'.  I so far, have not followed their advice.  Yes, I have buckled down.  This week will represent the halfway mark for content submission and for the most part I have met all of my deadlines.  But, what I have found is the harder I try the less I am able to produce voluminous works.  I am chugging along, but there is now a pool at work on the date that I will lose my marbles. 

My other consternation is the criticism.  At some point a few weeks ago I had the shocking realization that people may actually read this book.  Gulp.  A little known tidbit about me, I suck at criticism.  I rock at constructive criticism because I am always seeking to improve.  But when it comes in the form of snarky comments made by those that would rather bitch than do anything valuable to contribute, well, that just pisses me off.  A couple of weeks ago I did a webinar for TDWI.  One anonymous attendee felt the need to tweet that it was the worst webinar he had ever attended, yet he attended the whole thing.  That's the same as someone eating all their food at a restaurant and then complaining that it was awful.

So, if you can tell, I have reached full panic/freak-out mode.  I have a favor to ask of you throngs of readers, be gentle on me the next few months.  In all candor, it's going to be a tough row to hoe for the next two months.  Work is very busy and to add fuel to a raging fire, it is now officially Christmastime, my absolute least favorite time of the year (yes, I am a grinch, move on, I have :).  Not only will I need all the support you can give, but so will Karl and Nolan as we push on through crunch time. 
Thank you, and good night

The Shape of Me

This year at Thanksgiving we were given as assignment to discuss our grandparents.  Specifically, what they meant to us.  I really only knew one of my grandparents, my paternal grandmother.  My mother's parents died before I was born and my paternal grandfather was 80 when I was born.  He lived until he was 96, but there were only shadows of the man I got to know through stories. 

My grandmother was an amazing woman.  She went back to Columbia to get her masters degree in her 50's.  She raised three children as a virtual single mother when that was unheard of.  She was steadfast in her commitment to education and her church.  She told me that a lady should never leave the house without lipstick (I violate that rule almost every day).   Education and independence were so important to her, and I believe that I made her proud. 

People shape you-- your grandparents, parents, siblings, friends, children, etc.  Sometimes you forget how much, and it's nice sometimes to stop and think about it, and be thankful for the shape of me. 

A sincere thank you!

We have been in the new house for just over a week. Well, let me clarify, Nolan & Karl have been in the house--I have been on the road.  But, it's still really cool to know that a lovely new home is waiting for me on the other end.

We have a lot of people to thank for this.  First, all the movers, who took time out of their Saturday to help us.  In no particular order:  Dad, Lois, Mardelle, Martha, Andy, Sarah, Rocky (and Joey in spirit!), Sarah, David and David, Michael, John, Carl George, Neil, Jeff, Randy & Emily.  My apologies if I failed to mention you.  There were so many wonderful people that brought vehicles, trailers and just dug in.  The move took about 4 hours, incredible!

To our Realtor, Mike Esterley (Edina Realty).  Karl met Mike at an open house earlier in the summer.  We met with Mike to get a feel for his approach.  Although I doubt Mike would admit it, I think he was skeptical at first.  We were planning on renting and getting a new mortgage and in this market, it's not an easy under-taking.  Mike was nothing short of stellar.  He really went above and beyond.  His energy and single-minded focus on getting us a house that fit us was impressive.

Last, but so not least, Sari Lederman (AdvisorNet Mortgage).  I met Sari back in 2001 when I was single and I was hoping for a more grounded life (or at least one that didn't involve moving every year).  She counseled me (for years). She was patient, thorough and not once led me astray (as evidenced by our current position).  

Good people got us where we are at, in some cases literally.  Thank you all!

Working

I'll admit, my work is a little odd.  I have been here for nearly 3 years and I still have a hard time getting used to the ebb and flow of the business.  Some days I could spend all day writing, others I am up to my eyeballs in work.  I'm getting better at going with the flow.

Two incredible professional things have happened to me this year.  First, I have been asked to give a keynote speech on the future of Healthcare BI in Groningen, Netherlands in January.  If you're interested you can look it up here www.allaboutdata.umcg.nl
Of course the second is my book, which still feels rather amorphous to me.  I write a lot as part of my job, but those are 2-4 page articles, this is a book with over 250 pages!  So this week I sat down and started pulling everything together that I already had.  I got this...my first draft

I still have a long way to go, but there were more pages here than I thought.  It feels a little bit more real now that this pile of papers are collated under chapters.

Progress?

Like most things in life, progress is relative.  We have spent the last two weekends packing.  Each week we are able to pack up more stuff.  Thankfully this weekend was a long one, but we also had the complication of having the house look decent for a rental showing on Tuesday.  Somehow we managed to pull off both.  The townhouse shined like a new penny.  I should have taken pictures since she doesn't dress up that much anymore :).  We are having a garage sale this weekend (9/10), and yes I am a glutton.  I have no idea what I was thinking other than my blind ambition to de-clutter and purge.

I did the math (that should surprise no one) and I have to write about 1 1/3 pages each work day between now and February to meet the deadline.  The first day after that I wrote over 4 pages, then haven't done any  :(  I have done some editing work, word choice, tone, etc. but no addition of actual content.  Believe it or not, Don Draper from Mad Men said it best "Think about it deeply. Then forget it."  It seems as if most of my writing happens after this exact process.

A picture for your enjoyment:

Big News

By now many of you know our big news, but for those of you that haven't heard:
We bought a house!
If you have been following the blog long you know that this is something we have been wanting to do for about three years.  It took us quite a while to decide what to do, and in the end we decided to rent out the town-home.  Not an easy decision, but one that has allowed us to buy a nice 2,000 sq. ft. house on a quiet cul-de-sac.  The most important feature?  The lot, about .35 acres.  Not exactly hobby farm size, but it's a nice lot for the city.


Also, I got a book deal!
It's a work book, about Healthcare Business Intelligence.  I am very excited, as this was one of the goals I wrote down for my New Year's Resolutions.  It's being published by Wiley and should be out next summer.  I will post more updates about the process as I make progress.  


Finally, please send your prayers and thoughts to my dear friend over at "Better late than never" (favorites blogs listed here on the right).  Her husband was in a motorcycle accident last weekend, he's making good progress, and thankfully was wearing his helmet, but he broke his neck at C4. They have a long road ahead of them.

It's time to go

Believe it or not, it's been 5-weeks since we started our Door County adventure.  The mini-remodel on the house is complete and Nolan is tan and probably forever a Door County fanatic.  He confirmed that yesterday when he announced his plan to work at Leroy's coffee shop when he grows up (oh, I could only wish).  Nolan is a regular at the coffee shop here and he hangs out just like the locals (or so I am told). 


The beach has been a regular visit for us, the one in Ephraim is big and shallow so it's perfect for the smaller kids.  I had forgotten how much sand you can bring home after a few hours at the beach.  I could probably make my own sandy beach with the sand I have in my car. 


Not sure what I will miss most, but I am ready to go home.  The next couple weeks could bring lots of changes for the Madsen clan.  I will post updates to that cryptic reference when I know more (and no, that doesn't involve a little brother or sister for Nolan).


Pictures:

He calls them 'sparkles'

A castle with a moat!

Argh, I am a pirate, matey!  Also a mini golf prodigy, two holes-in-one this summer!

Ice Cream, you Scream, we all scream for Door County Ice Cream Factory

A Peek Inside my Twisted Mind

I continue to work from this beautiful place. There is something here that defies explanation; a spiritual calmness that settles even the most shaken of souls. At least that’s what I felt as I was driving through town looking at the stunning watery landscape. Then, as if a sudden and unwanted stranger woke me from my sleep I looked up to see an ambulance barreling full lights and sirens down a tourist-laden two-lane road. Instantly, my heart-rate went up, I bit my bottom lip and my eyes started to water. Why, you ask? Do I have some psychic power that I am now just admitting to? No psychic power, just a tenuous grip. For me, when I see or hear of anything bad, a flood of anxiety washes over me. I struggle frequently to keep my head above the onslaught of the obsession. It could easily overwhelm me, and in my darker days, it has.


See, bad things happen all the time, to really good people. And in some twisted version of my world, I feel that my happiness makes me more vulnerable to the bad stuff. I constantly feel like I am walking a tight-rope with no net, just waiting for a strong wind of misfortune or bad timing to come along and tumble me and everything I have to oblivion. Right about now you are probably thinking to yourself, “Laura, if you really feel this way you should see someone. It ain’t healthy.” (Quote from my favorite movie of all time, extra points if you guess it). True, but I am hoping that the recording of this, here in this blog and for posterity, will help me. The first step in any 12-step program is admitting you have a problem. Admission, check.

My Favorite Part of the Day

This week it's really hard to decide.  But, I decided that my favorite part of the day is the morning.  As I walk out the door to start my 15 second commute, with a hot cup of french press coffee in hand, leaving Nolan still pajama-clad on the floor playing with Grandma.  The clean (cool) Door County air gives me a couple of seconds of calm reflection as I walk into this beautiful space (thanks Eric!). 
Although it seems contrary, my ability to focus has improved greatly.  I am no longer distracted by people stopping in the doorway, my messy house or over-head announcements.  The quiet has cleared my brain, shook it out like sand from my shoes after a walk on the beach.  My brain being empty is a good thing, because its rare.
Gratitude, for Karl and his wonderful family.  For this beautiful place, for a job and a boss that would allow me this incredible opportunity, for my Mother-in-law and her willingness to play daycare, just plain old gratitude, something my attitude has been in the way of for a very (very) long time.

Working from Home...sort of

Guess where I will be working from for the next five weeks?  (Well, one week of vacation).  Yes, as long as I have a computer, a phone, and iPad and internet connectivity I can work anywhere.  This is by far my favorite place so far, beats the heck out of the "quiet" corners in the airport.

I'm with your ghost again

When I close my eyes I see you, no matter where I am, I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines.  I’m with your ghost again, it’s a shame about the weather but I know that soon we’ll be together and I can’t wait ‘til then. –“Colder Weather”, Zac Brown Band

There are times; more than ten years later, when heartbreaking moments come rushing back to me in vivid detail. A few weeks ago I heard that a family friend is dying of cancer. To be frank, it wasn’t a surprise. She has been hell-bent on her end for years now. But, so was my mom. The next day as I woke a memory rushed back at me, and I was transported back to December 27, 1998. When I stood there, alone, as doctors rushed in and my mother slipped away into a coma. I was there, the only one there, and as they asked if they should put her back on the ventilator I selfishly chose to prolong her agony. It’s true that it offered up an opportunity for some of my family to say good-bye, and for that I am grateful. But that moment, more than any of the others, stays with me.

I found out yesterday that my step-mom was diagnosed with COPD, the same disease that claimed my mother. I guess I should know by now that life is full of twists and turns, and you just never know how quickly things can change, so you have to tell people how you feel about them when you have the chance. Lois saved my Dad. She brought air back to all of us and a sense of fun and humor that had been missing in our lonely house for years. For Lois, this diagnosis is just another reason to take a walk. She will continue her life as she always has and I suspect that will be true for years to come. So, with Mother’s Day approaching there is no time like the present to thank your mom, give her a hug and tell her that you love her. I love you, Lois. Thank you for resuscitating all of us.

Ambition Lost: A Love Story

I never thought I would get married, let alone have kids. At 19 the doctors told me it was highly unlikely and after dismissing the idea of having one right there and then, I figured it was over. I didn't want to have a baby for the wrong reasons and at 19 I didn't know my ass from my elbow (still not sure I do). So, after some soul-searching I went to a specialist and started some pretty intense drug therapies with the hope of preserving fertility. At 19 and in menopause, I figured no man in his right mind would ever want to marry me. Some of that negative thinking was the rampant hormonal fluctuations. I wandered through life and focused on my education, deciding that at least I would be successful at work if I couldn't be a mom.

I had always envisioned myself alone. 10 years later, at 29 and three weeks away from my 30th birthday I was convinced my fate was sealed. Then I met Karl, 10/4/2003, I still have the piece of paper where he wrote his phone number and gave it to me. I found a man that wasn't only smart, funny and cute, but that wanted me.

Nolan joined us just two years after the wedding. No one had been on the suppression therapy as long as I had, when I went on it at 19 it was experimental (I had to sign a waiver to get the injections). Nolan was meant to be, I knew the day I was officially pregnant, 11/6/06. If you do the math...it was just days in.

My joy today is about my family. I have been incredibly successful in my career and fortunate to have had the experiences and opportunities I have had. But I would give it up in a second to be home, without distraction. I have some guilt that the Laura of today isn't as commited and ambitious as the Laura 5 years ago. I do my work now not so I can climb the next step on the ladder, but so I can go home and have uninterrupted time with my boys.

Ambition lost, and I am so lucky.

Love & Leadership

Spring has sprung here in Minnesota. This has felt like the longest winter on record. Of course, it wasn't, but it sure felt like it and perception is reality as they say.

Two things have been dominating my thoughts of late...love & leadership. They are not related at all, at least not in the way I have been thinking about them.

The first is love. I am currently sitting in the dark as I write this. Nolan is napping for the second time today, he's running a fever. His cherub face represents love to me, of course it does since I am his mom. This week I read one of the best love stories ever. Sure, I don't really read a lot of love stories, but this one is for the ages. It's from one of my favorite blogs (see below). I found the blog nearly two years ago, and I was hooked. Perhaps one of the saddest stories I have ever read. The short version is that a beautiful young wife and mother died just one day after giving birth to her only child. "Two Kisses for Maddy" is the story of the love that was created and endured. Matt Logelin's retelling of his loss and love is so poignant and heart-felt that I read it all in less than 36 hours. Something I haven't done in a very long time. I highly recommend this book if you need to believe in love, for the first time or all over again.

The other is leadership. I strongly believe in servant leadership. I think it takes a team of people with a variety of skills sets to succeed. Recently, I have been faced with trying to figure out what to do with the very aggressive personality styles. I have run into them often in my career and frankly, when confronted, I walked away. The style and method of communication for these folks is so contrary to my personal work style and leadership beliefs that I just dismiss them. I recognize that I have to find a way to work with them, and this is where my 'leadership' pondering has taken me this week. I am not sure I have an answer, but the fact that I am thinking about it is a good sign.

Until next time.

Pictures

Huge piles of snow This is Nolan & David, resting & eating (?) the snow. Too fun.

This is what Nolan was up to while Karl & I were in Florida He's very proud of the snowman! Do I have something in my teeth?

Rhode Island, Florida, D.C., Boston (and MN & WI) since last post!

Sorry for the delay in an update. I did try about a month ago to post an update with pictures but got a bit frustrated with how slow my computer was and gave up. So, a longer update... We have had a really busy few months. Of course I was traveling back and forth between Minneapolis and Providence, RI Sunday through Thursday and between that we were able to fit in a trip to Florida for some R & R and sunshine, and in early March Karl went to Washington, D.C. with Nancy and Martha to attend Marcy's retirement ceremony. He was giddy with stories for a whole week when he got back. I think he has some pictures, we will post those soon. Nolan is doing great. Growing so fast and learning so many new words...some of them maybe I would prefer he didn't learn but that's par for the course. Last weekend he was sick, fever, rash, upset stomach. We took him to the Target (?) clinic and found out he had Strep throat. Considering how sick he was he was very well behaved. A few days on anti-biotics and he was the same old Nolan. I am off the road now and supposed to be on the ground for a while. The travel has worn me 'thread-bare', and I have been longing for Door County solitude. Then it occured to me that there was no reason why Nolan & I couldn't spend a month up there this summer. My work is highly portable, as is Nolan, and now with Mardelle officially 'retired' (again) it seemed like all the pieces of the puzzle were lining up. After confirming with work and daycare, and of course, Mardelle, it's official. Nolan & I will be calling Door County home this summer. I am so excited. All the fresh air, lack of concrete, and the abundance of quiet is just what I need. Too bad it's not for another 3 months :) On the home-front, for the third year in a row we are hoping to buy a different house. This year might just be the year as things are lining up for us. We would very much like to take advantage of the buyers market, but in order to do that we will likely have to rent the townhouse out. More to come on that, but if you know someone looking for a nice, big place to rent in Burnsville, give us a call. Here's some pictures to catch you up.

Be Careful What You Wish For...

I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago. I have been hanging on to it, too busy to log in to post it. Thought I would share it:

I had always imagined myself as an independent person, and at 16, feeling trapped in a too-small Wisconsin town I dreamt of the day that I would fly around, first class, and solve problems. Of course, at 16 I never really knew what that meant. I glamorized it to fabulous locations with great clothes. Work travel has brought me to every corner of this country and to some of the posh-est hotels but I would trade it all in a heart-beat to read and tuck my son into bed.
I always feel a wide swath of emotion when I travel. I hate being away, but there’s nothing that puts perspective on your life better than looking out over the land and at a distance seeing how small everything really is. Early on after Nolan was born I felt nothing but shame, guilt and remorse when I traveled. A heavy, difficult mix of emotion that did very little for my relationships, but today I have a different perspective. I learned that guilt is corrosive. It just erodes everything around you, to the point where nothing looks or feels the same anymore.

So, tonight, as I sit in first class, flying to a client that expects me to help them solve their problems I consider my options. My Grandmother had a quote hanging on her restroom wall (a place where she figured folks had a moment to reflect) by Charles Swindoll. The jest of that quote is that your attitude shapes your perspective. So I am trying very hard to have a good perspective on the travel that is required for my work. That it will give Nolan a well-rounded Mother (and an exhausted Father?), that it will help infuse a sense of confidence in me that has been gone for quite a while now; that, if I were really truthful with myself, is very much a part of what makes me sane and crazy all at the same time. I long for the day when I am home, period. When travel is a choice we make as a family because we want to go somewhere fun. Until then, I will enjoy what travel brings, and spend guilt-free, quality time with my loved ones, when I’m in town.

Hold On Loosely

I am a traveling consultant. I guess there is a big part of me that was in denial about that for a while. Thankfully, I am not a true 'road warrior' those people that are on the road 50 weeks out of the year. But, I am gone more than I like.
I think I have come to terms with it. I don't cry anymore when I tell people that I missed his first steps. Last year, in the midst of my 6-month traveling blitz I was seated next to a couple from the Ukraine. They spent the entire (and I mean entire) flight talking. At one point the woman looked over at me and I was holding a picture of Nolan, something I do without fail.
"Is that your little boy?" She asked in a very heavy accent
"Yes"
"One piece of advice, if I may. Don't hold on too tight. Let him go and explore and find his own life, that's your job."
I smiled and nodded, and thought, well you don't know. You don't know how often I am gone.
But, she was right. And I think of her often, and one of my favorite songs "Hold On Loosely" by .38 Special.
So, as I am about to embark on an 8-week trip, coming home only on the weekends I will listen to that song and think of the Ukrainian woman and know that everything will be just fine.

More Pictures

Hey, that's me opening presents:)

I got some books!

Say, "Cheese"

Daddy and Nolan on the snow hill in our parking lot

He'll remember these big snow piles forever

Some Pictures

Look at me, I'm Mommy!

This is his "I'm Cute" pose

A book! Yeah, something new to read

For me?

Nolan and David playing, Karl standing by

I promised some pictures so here they are. Enjoy!

Happy New Year!

I can't believe 2010 is over, I can't believe the first decade of the 20's is over. Time goes incredibly fast as you watch your child grow. For the first time in a couple of years I have some resolutions. Maybe less resolutions and more goals. I have been swimming in the sea of the unplanned for a few years now. Frankly, Nolan put my world into a tailspin and it's taken me this long to get back to level flight. It's been a wonderful ride.
So, this year I plan to take better care of myself. I have been unable to digest food without issues for a couple of years now, so I finally went to the doctor. I have to get an upper endoscopy, and I am sure that will be as much fun as it sounds. I want to start eating a bit better and getting a little more exercise, but I also don't need to add any stress to my life (see digestive issues above). One big goal, or resolution, is to write a book. Either professional or personal. I have been working on some ideas for a book for my work for a bit now, but the stars haven't yet aligned. Personally, I have had an idea for a book recently and I have started sketching out some of the characters. I figured if I wrote that goal down maybe the pressure from my huge throngs of fans here on this blog might keep my honest. (That's sarcasm, I am pretty sure Karl doesn't even read this blog). Maybe I will start putting excerpts here for your enjoyment. In the meantime, pictures of Nolan will be forthcoming.