Ambition Lost: A Love Story

I never thought I would get married, let alone have kids. At 19 the doctors told me it was highly unlikely and after dismissing the idea of having one right there and then, I figured it was over. I didn't want to have a baby for the wrong reasons and at 19 I didn't know my ass from my elbow (still not sure I do). So, after some soul-searching I went to a specialist and started some pretty intense drug therapies with the hope of preserving fertility. At 19 and in menopause, I figured no man in his right mind would ever want to marry me. Some of that negative thinking was the rampant hormonal fluctuations. I wandered through life and focused on my education, deciding that at least I would be successful at work if I couldn't be a mom.

I had always envisioned myself alone. 10 years later, at 29 and three weeks away from my 30th birthday I was convinced my fate was sealed. Then I met Karl, 10/4/2003, I still have the piece of paper where he wrote his phone number and gave it to me. I found a man that wasn't only smart, funny and cute, but that wanted me.

Nolan joined us just two years after the wedding. No one had been on the suppression therapy as long as I had, when I went on it at 19 it was experimental (I had to sign a waiver to get the injections). Nolan was meant to be, I knew the day I was officially pregnant, 11/6/06. If you do the math...it was just days in.

My joy today is about my family. I have been incredibly successful in my career and fortunate to have had the experiences and opportunities I have had. But I would give it up in a second to be home, without distraction. I have some guilt that the Laura of today isn't as commited and ambitious as the Laura 5 years ago. I do my work now not so I can climb the next step on the ladder, but so I can go home and have uninterrupted time with my boys.

Ambition lost, and I am so lucky.